How to Know a Person: the Art of Seeing Others Deeply… (Below)

Posts from Book 'Untamed'... (Below)

‘The Great Dechurching’ 

June 20, 2025

Consider this source as we talk about the need for renewal in the contemporary church.

‘The Great Dechurching’ 

By Jim Davis, Michael Graham, and Ryan Burge

“Unfortunately, the reality is that many of the regular attendees who no longer come to our churches have simply stopped going anywhere on Sundays.” **

This study “describes this phenomenon, which is being experienced throughout the North American church. The ominous title matches a distressing reality: people are leaving the church—many with no intention to return.” ** They report 40 million have left.

“This book doesn’t merely cite data that validates an observable reality. It also provides survey results from the departing masses to discern why they’re leaving and what might bring them back again. The Great Dechurching combines a heart for the local church and a deep interest in understanding the culture with rigorous statistical analysis.” **

“The Great Dechurching is painfully honest. The data suggests this dechurching is happening everywhere—not simply among one denomination or stratum of society. This data, which is the result of a statistically rigorous survey, makes clear that the work of mission and evangelism is necessary for everyone.” ** 

On the other hand, the authors speak of opportunities in the middle of this crisis. “51% of the 40 million say they will return. (p. 3) Over 50% still hold orthodox beliefs. (p. 5) Many dechurched just need a nudge. Invite them. Use hospitality in your home and life. Invite them into your lives. (p. 6) They don’t need to be convinced church has value, but they need to be nudged. (p. 10) Millions leave due to not feeling loved, or belonging, or that they fit in. (p. 7-8) For them Church is not an event it is a family. Many find better relating at sports events of their children… (p. 8)

Go to the link for our blog and let’s look at what the church can learn from ‘The Great Dechurching’ for renewal. We talk about ‘gold’ for church renewal today.

The authors of ‘The Great Dechurching’ feel from the surveys that the way the church relates with people is a problem. They are so bold as to say, “Relational incompetence is clear in both churches and individual Christians as they relate with the potential dechurched. But, they say, ‘We can change the way we relate.’” (p. 17)  The book goes on to say, “People are not projects, but human beings bearing the image of God.” (p. 20) “We don’t just want to persuade them, but to meet their needs on the very deepest levels. We will have to have some relational capital with those we intend to influence.” (p. 21) They talk about the willingness to listen and understand, as well as acting with transparency and vulnerability appropriate to touch people in their needs. (p. 22, 25-26)

The authors feel that the relational element is a need for the ‘dechurched’ that this study has uncovered. This will become one of the ‘pillar concepts’ of this blog in the weeks and months to come, but for today look at a few implications.

I raised the relational deficiency idea to a church leader recently and their response was quick and strong. This church is a loving church where people are tightly woven into the fabric of this network. From my observations this is a feeling among most church leaders and attenders. I had attended the leader’s church with my homeless friend before so I asked how long he thought it might take for my friend to enter that status? A seed was sown but I knew it would take much more to erode that idea ‘his church was loving to everyone.’

I remember working with a single parent mother in poverty with addiction issues for some years. She came with me to my own church and I remember telling her that this church could become a place where she could find a support network for life. She was listening with her feelings from that Sunday distracting her, since she felt like an outsider that hardly anyone noticed. Realistically I said to her if she would come and sit on this pew for the next three years I felt the people would gradually accept her there and begin to relate with her with friendship and care. I wanted to be honest with her and avoid painting a picture few churches could live up to. I had already come to grips with the reality that to become an embraced part of the fabric of a church one would need to show up consistently for some years. 

On the flip side I am thinking of three or the most notable movements for Jesus in the history of Christianity; the early church from year 100ad to 300ad, the Chinese revival that flourished all through the 20th century, and the Wesleyan movement in the late 1700’s and early 1800’s. Anyone who would study the details of these massive movements would find that a common denominator was the powerful loving acceptance they displayed to others in their worlds. Each of these movements were known for this quality as one of their most effective tools in reaching people and saturating their cultures. When we translate the ‘relational element’ into the Gospel call to ‘love others’ we find gold, one of the great treasures for church renewal.

** Information taken from Matt Rogers’ review of this volume in The Church Coalition website, November 2023.

Untamed

Alan Hirsch and Debra Hirsch

June 16, 2025

Rick Warren writes in the forward of this book:

A generation ago an English Bishop ruefully admitted, “In the New Testament, everywhere Paul went he sparked a revolution. But today, everywhere I go, they just serve tea and crumpets!” 

“We’ve become tamed by tradition, captivated by culture, and controlled by our desire to fit in, not make waves, and never offend anyone. We’ve become domesticated instead of being discipled.”  (p. 8)

Alan and Debra have written an uncommon book about discipleship. Those in the know realize that discipleship books are a ‘dime a dozen.’ The Hirsches understand that discipleship has been one of the great failures of the church over the last 70 years or so. They have been inspired to come at the topic from a new vantage point, untaming domesticated believers to become followers of the radical, even wild Christ.

Alan and Debra believe in the church, stating, “When it is true to its identity and purpose, it is far and away the most transformative force for good in society. It must be, because when it is faithful, it is the most concentrated expression of the liberating Kingdom of God.” 

They have come to believe that we are never going to be the movement Jesus wants unless we first get the issues of discipleship right. This is because the health and growth of transformative Jesus movements are directly related to their capacity to make disciples. No disciples, no movement – it is that simple. (p. 17)

Jump to the blog page here and we will add more fuel on this fire of making disciples to renew the church.

www.anakainosisforthechurch.com

Alan and Debra point to possibly the greatest issue in this discipleship dilemma, “The Jesus software is not being downloaded properly into our lives.” (p. 19)

They say, “To be a truly radical disciple does require a relentless evaluation of life’s priorities and concerns, together with an ongoing rigorous critique of our culture, to ensure we are not adopting values that subvert the very life and message we are called to live out.” (p. 23)

Reggie McNeal makes a declaration that turns this evaluation, even critique, toward the contemporary church. It is not easy to admit something is missing in the Christian faith mode I have been a part of all my life, yet renewal can only come when we are willing to be honest. McNeal states, “Church culture in North America is a vestige of the original [Christian] movement, an institutional expression of religion that is in part a civil religion and in part a club where religious people can hang out with other people whose politics, worldview, and lifestyle match theirs.” (p. 23)

If this is the case at any point, it is a clear call for renewal in the church.

July 2, 2025

Untamed

Discipleship is a key ingredient in renewal so let’s return to Alan and Debra Hirsch to talk about discipleship from their work in the book – “Untamed.”

The Hirsch’s run directly to Jesus as the cornerstone and model. They write, “Focusing our discipleship on Jesus forces us to take seriously the implications of following him, of becoming like him… like God. The spiritual agenda for discipleship is thus set: Jesus is our primary teacher, model, guide, savior, and Lord. He is the standard by which we assess discipleship and spirituality. And we must become living versions of him -- ‘little Jesuses.’  (p. 37)

They throw down the gauntlet for us. Keep reading.

“Jesus spent his ministry freeing people from evil and misery. This is what God seeks to do [through us]. Jesus wars against spiritual forces that oppress people and resist God’s good purposes. This is what God does [through us]. Jesus loved people others rejected – even people who rejected him. This is how God loves [through us]. Jesus had nothing but compassion for people who were afflicted by sin, disease, and tragedy. This is how God feels [through us]. And Jesus died on the cross of Calvary, suffering in the place of sinful humanity, defeating sin and the devil, because he passionately loves people and wants to reconcile them to God. This is how God saves [through us].” (p. 36)

Rather than discipleship as I knew it growing up, they start with emulating Jesus and build from there.  This is quite different than: read the Bible more, pray more, attend church often, volunteer at church, give, invite, avoid evil…

Jump over to our blog page and read the rest of the thoughts from Alan and Debra on a Jesus style of discipleship.

www.anakainosisforthechurch.com/today-s-post/

Alan and Debra continue this theme saying, “The first and absolutely most foundational thing we can say in a book on missional discipleship is that it must be based squarely on the founder of the Christian faith – Jesus the Messiah. And while this might seem obvious, one can easily be excused for not being able to recognized anything approximating Jesus in some of the people who claim his name. This discontinuity between Jesus and the religion that claims his name, what Jacques Ellul calls the ‘subversion of Christianity,’ has led countless people to say with political humorist Bill Maher, ‘I don’t know anyone less Jesus – like than most Christians.’ It also prompted researchers David Kinnaman and Gabe Lyons to write the book called ‘unChristian,’ which is based on what most non—Christian twenty – somethings said about so – called Christians.” (p. 35)

“The Gospels are full of stories of sinners, the bungled, the broken, and the bent clamoring to be near Jesus. Jesus was different. He wasn’t like the other holy rollers, the religious folk of his day. There was something magnetic about his person (possibly love, empathy, or compassion, mercy?) that caused even the most desperate to do the unthinkable and violate not only social etiquette of the day, but risk further marginalization by being close to him. Think of the woman with the issue of blood [and many others]. (Mark 5:25-30) 

What is it about Jesus that caused sinners to flock to him like a magnet and yet managed to seriously antagonize the religious people?” (p. 45)

One Gospel writer asked, “What manner of man is this?” Our discipleship must also delve into this question as well.

It is possible to see from our resource authors after only a few weeks of blogs that in contemporary Christianity the church has failed to make disciples. If that is true we all may agree with the ‘Reveal’ study at the Willow Creek Church (Bill Hybels) that we may be attracting people but genuine disciples are not being formed. It is possible that our ‘Achilles Heel,’ to use Hauerwas’ words would be that we have many ‘admirers’ of Jesus but few disciples. With this in mind the main focus of ‘Anakainosis for the Church’ is to talk about building people up in the FOUR Pillars so they will become ‘followers of Jesus’ rather than simply believers. 

July 7, 2025

The Surprising Jesus

Jesus was flat out surprising to almost everyone; the disciples, the religious, and the world. No doubt following in the footsteps of such a surprising Jesus will not be a tame, mundane, business as usual experience.

Alan and Debra Hirsch in their book “Untamed” say, “Jesus, the holy one, often went out of his way to connect with, or to be seen with, those the ‘holy ones’ of his day would have never even thought of entertaining. The holiness of Jesus is a redemptive, missional, world embracing holiness, that does not separate itself from the world but rather liberates it. (p. 46)

No doubt about it, Jesus’ holiness was compelling. The Gospels clearly show us that social rejects loved to be around Jesus. They couldn’t get enough of him. By hanging out with people like these, Jesus shows us that one cannot achieve holiness by separation from the unclean. We need to resist the temptation to see holiness only in moralistic terms, or else we will do violence to the idea of the redeeming God and end up seeing God as the ultimate moralist. (p. 46)

Jesus was more of a prophetic non-conformist than a tame ethics teacher. He calls people to throw everything away and follow him (Mat 13:44), to a cross (Mat 10:38), to a love for God that will make all other loves seem like hatred (Mat 10:35-37). This was no divine ethics lecturer speaking! His was a wild holiness that called to account those who preferred instead to follow the lame dictates of a religion of ethical codes and pious rituals. (p. 47)

The Hirsch’s say, “Greg Boyd is correct in his assessment: The church as a whole does not look like the Body of Christ whose outrageous love attracted people who would otherwise have had nothing to do with a ‘religious establishment’ or ‘ethical system.’” (p. 47)

Jump over to our blog page by clicking the graphic below and read the rest of these thoughts by Alan and Debra.

www.anakainosisforthechurch.com/today-s-post/

The even more amazing thing is that not only did the social outcasts and sinners want to be around Jesus, but Jesus wanted to be around them! His mission was to save sinners. He practiced ‘active proximity’ with them. (p. 46)

One of the greatest counterfeits for following the untamed Jesus comes from the substitution of morals and decency for Jesus’ untamed kind of holiness. One of the standard attempts to stereotype Jesus, and therefore domesticate Jesus, is to make him into a moral teacher, someone who taught us how to live decent, rule-based lives. He was much more dangerous and subversive than that. (p. 47)

All through the history of Christianity the temptation to make the law primary rather than the heart has been a major distraction. That contrast is one illustration of domesticating Jesus, making following him a set of rules and rituals rather than following the passion and fire of his heart and walking in his steps. 

Listen to this quote: “A sanitized Jesus is a misrepresentation of him and leads us to live sterile lives.” (p. 51)

Or this one from Soren Kierkegaard: “There is a demand by ‘the crowd,’ the mass of people, to live an ordinary and passionless life in which God is essentially irrelevant, and yet they want this life to be regarded as Christian.” (p. 50) 

Yes, words like these seem hard, yet renewal for the church will only come with honest evaluation of ourselves as the people of God. We might ask, “Do we want renewal more than we want our present comfort and status quo?”

How to Know a Person: the Art of Seeing Others Deeply…

June 18, 2025

David Brooks

Here is another key element to church renewal that flies under the radar for most. David Brooks writes on a subject that he believes is at the core of human longing, saying, “There is one skill that lies at the heart of any healthy person, family, school, community organization, or society: the ability to see someone else deeply and make them feel seen —to accurately know another person, to let them feel valued, heard, and understood.” 

Though Brooks writes as a journalist and sounds like a sociologist or a psychologist, this truth he projects makes me think it could easily be the greatest character quality of that man named Jesus. Think about it, seeing, understanding, and knowing someone deeply and compassionately. For this reason I include the work of Brooks as another resource to assist the church toward the grand renewal I am positive God intends. (p. 11)

Brooks reminds us that “Human beings need recognition as much as they need food and water.” He says, “In this age of creeping dehumanization, I’ve become obsessed with social skills: how to get better at treating people with consideration; how to get better at understanding the people right around us. I’ve come to believe that the quality of our lives and the health of our society depends, to a large degree, on how well we treat each other in the minute interactions of daily life.” (p. 11-12) 

From the perspective of a sociologist Brooks is describing the calling of the Body of Christ as I see it. “In the age of creeping dehumanization” our call is to love others. Our call is to emulate this quality of knowing that Jesus portrayed so keenly. Our call is a relational call to walk beside people as God draws them to Christ’s love and care that we share. Our call is to serve others touching the deep-felt needs in their lives, again like Jesus. Our call is to invite people into the family of God in a real and practical sense of connecting lives and hearts together, where no one is left alone. Perhaps Brooks, in his secular approach, is naming a core and critical quality that the church of Jesus ought to radiate, even better than others could ever hope.

Brooks continues to mull over this theme. “Some days it seems like we have intentionally built a society that gives people little guidance on how to perform the most important activities of life. As a result, a lot of us are lonely and lack deep friendships. It’s not because we don’t want these things. Above almost any other need, human beings long to have another person look into their face with loving respect and acceptance.” (p. 11)

The church may not realize the power of this quality of Christ. Brooks describes it further. “There are few things as fulfilling as that sense of being seen and understood. I often ask people to tell me about times they’ve felt seen, and with glowing eyes they tell me stories about pivotal moments in their life. They talk about a time when someone perceived some talent in them that they themselves weren’t even able to see. They talk about a time when somebody understood exactly what they needed at some exhausted moment—and stepped in, in just the right way, to lighten the load. (p. 12)

Listen as Brooks bends to the spiritual. “I wanted to learn this skill for what I think of as spiritual reasons. Seeing someone well is a powerfully creative act. No one can fully appreciate their own beauty and strengths unless those things are mirrored back to them in the mind of another. There is something in being seen that brings forth growth. If you beam the light of your attention on me, I blossom. If you see great potential in me, I will probably come to see great potential in myself. If you can understand my frailties and sympathize with me when life treats me harshly, then I am more likely to have the strength to weather the storms of life. “The roots of resilience,” the psychologist Diana Fosha writes, “are to be found in the sense of being understood by and existing in the mind and heart of a loving, attuned, and self-possessed other.” In how you see me, I will learn to see myself.” (p. 13)

Seeing these inspirations, it is clear Brooks can help us as we walk toward paths of renewal for the church.

Judging?   

September 11, 2025

Let’s adopt this attitude toward apparent sinners at church. 

Four Pillar applications

You got hammered at the bar on Saturday but came to church on Sunday…. You can sit with me. You’re right where you need to be.

I am therefore going to invest in you to walk along side you and show you that the temporary hit from the bar on Saturday night does not reflect your value or future... Even if you don't get it, I will keep sitting with you.

You’re a drug addict but came to church on Sunday…. You can sit with me. You’re right where you need to be.

Because we believe that Jesus can change you we will pray continuously that your addiction does not win. We will invest the time to train counsellors, or pay for counsel, or run places of hope so you can be free... That's what we do as we keep sitting with you.

You’re divorced, and the last church you attended condemned you for it… You can sit with me. You’re right where you need to be.

We won't speak against the other church and we will introduce you to others in our community that have walked similar pathways so that when you sit you are sitting where you need to be so you find community.

You’ve had an abortion and it’s slowly eating away at your heart, but you came to church on Sunday. You can sit with me. You’re right where you need to be.

When you are ready to deal with these issues we will help you come to a place of wholeness and healing... through the scars... in your time. There will be others you can help and embrace from your experience. You can sit with me and those others, and we will help each one through their pain.

You’ve been unfaithful to your spouse but came to church on Sunday… You can sit with me. You’re right where you need to be.

We will sit with you and seek to hear all sides, but eventually and compassionately we will challenge this behavior as we believe marriage is a covenant. We will walk with you and your spouse in the messy journey of forgiveness. We will sit with you as you come to where you need to be. If you don't get there we will keep sitting with you.

Here’s the thing, people don’t come to church on Sunday for you to sit in the pew and quietly judge them because you feel that you’re somehow better than them. So true, but they also come to quietly move into a journey of wholeness.

People come to church because in their deepest, darkest, most painful moments, they heard about a man named Jesus who loves them and who could save their soul. They’d like to know Him.

As church we will invest the time and money and training so that we can offer more than a sympathetic seat on a Sunday but a community and a pathway to help become like Him.

Mark 2:17 On hearing this, Jesus said to them, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous...”

Here we are reminded that as church we must not be judgmental so that in getting others to come we will then have the chance to go on a loving journey of change with them to become like Him.

This attitude reflects the Four Pillar life: emulating Jesus, loving others, offering community, and living missional.

Culture or Counter Culture?

November 18, 2025

To really make progress against the suffocating parts of popular culture, we must live with the mindset of a contrarian. We must recognize the entrapments of a consumerist culture and cultivate a life that resists its pull. This doesn’t mean that we pull back from people. That is religious sectarianism and is actually the opposite of a truly missional life. No, we live and demonstrate a better way of living – living from the kingdom paradigm. We must learn to live leaner and simpler. In a world that seeks to hold on to its “stuff” and even kill for it, we are the people who have learned to give it away – to be generous. In a world that demands “service”, we position ourselves as servants. Deb and I call this “the great reversal” and it ought to be the lifestyle of a disciple. Alan Hirsch

(Hirsch and Ford, Right Here, Right Now, p.125)

It is fair to say that for most Christians in the west, the dominant forces that shape their lives, run counter to the values of Jesus. Like weekend tourists, the Christian majority is obviously floating downstream, soaking in the same concerns, wants, and agendas of the prevailing culture, adrift wherever the current takes them. Oh, we still have the common headline grabbing moral values and issues that typically rise during political election seasons. “Values” bumper stickers are pasted all over the rafts and inner tubes of the Christian party as it floats in the same direction as those it points fingers at. (p.126)

What has happened to our values when it comes to the vices of covetousness, the unbridled consumption of earthly goods, gluttony, and the amassing of more and more with no end insight? Most of this happens with little or no regard for the destruction it carries into our own lives, and God given callings. This has contributed to a lukewarm Christianity that is the norm in the so-called evangelical world. (p.127)

Pope John Paul II said it well after he had spoken about ideologies such as Marxism, Nazism, and fascism, and the myths of racial superiority, or nationalism, or ethnic exclusivism. He said, “No less pernicious, though not always as obvious, are the effects of materialistic consumerism, in which the exaltation of the individual and the selfish satisfaction of personal aspirations become the ultimate goal of life. In this outlook, the negative effects on others are considered completely irrelevant.” (p.127)

The pursuit of happiness has left a trail of tears on many fronts. Convenient online banking, trendy fashion, iPods, and high definition televisions are not giving us more to smile about. In fact, depression and mental illness have increased in direct proportion to our wealth index. Though the United States has the highest standard of living on the planet, it has been over 50 years since Americans describe themselves to pollsters as “Very Happy”. Bigger and better has not equated to happier and happier. (p.127)

The critical issue for us as Christians is that consumerism seeks to shape and dictate our identity. In the process are true personhood as strangers and aliens of God‘s kingdom is snuffed out. In terms of risk, time, finance, and energy, we can’t afford to be missional. We can’t even conceive of such a life. (p.131) The apostle John warned against this very thing:

1 John 2:15–17 (The Message)

Don’t love the world’s ways. Don’t love the world’s goods. Love of the world squeezes out love for the Father. Practically everything that goes on in the world—wanting your own way, wanting everything for yourself, wanting to appear important—has nothing to do with the Father. It just isolates you from him. The world and all its wanting, wanting, wanting is on the way out—but whoever does what God wants is set for eternity.

The Four Pillars aim to facilitate followers of Christ in living in culture while not becoming led by culture. Even further they hope to equip followers to actually reverse the flow and influence people for good that are under the pressures of culture. 1) Emulating Jesus provides a model contrary to the norms. 2) Loving God by loving others becomes distinctive in a selfish culture. 3) Offering community/relating to so many feeling lonely is significant. 4) Living on mission to love, serve, and care is counter cultural to the strong motivation to climb over others on the ladder to the top.

Let’s join together to demonstrate a new ethic of living in our world.